The Death of Rivalry: Humility vs. Self-Esteem in an Age of Mimetic Confusion

A reflection on Fr. Augustine Wetta’s Humility Rules and The Moral Imagination podcast

“You don’t need higher self-esteem. You need more humility.”
— Fr. Augustine Wetta, The Moral Imagination podcast

In a recent episode of The Moral Imagination podcast, Michael Matheson Miller sat down with Benedictine monk and author Fr. Augustine Wetta to talk about his delightful and subversive little book Humility Rules. The premise is as old as the Church but as urgent as ever: the path to peace doesn’t run through the self-esteem movement. It runs through humility.

Fr. Augustine delivers this message with monastic wit and spiritual clarity. But what struck me most—listening to him describe the Rule of St. Benedict as a ladder down rather than a ladder up—was how precisely this maps onto what mimetic theory has long been trying to say.

The Rivalry Beneath the Surface

René Girard’s mimetic theory shows that most conflict arises not from desire itself, but from shared desire—from two or more people wanting the same thing. The more we want it, the more we compete for it. And the more we compete, the more we become alike—mirror images locked in escalating imitation. Girard called this “mimetic rivalry,” and it’s the engine behind much of human drama, violence, and even myth.

Now consider the modern self-esteem project. It teaches us to affirm ourselves, to believe we are enough, to reject shame and comparison. But hidden in all this effort is the assumption that our worth depends on others not getting in the way. That we can only be someone if we’re seen as someone. Mimetic theory pulls back the curtain: when self-worth depends on admiration or affirmation, you’ve already entered the arena of rivalry.

That’s why self-esteem, on its own, is never enough. It promises peace but fuels comparison. It treats self-worth like a trophy—something to be claimed, defended, or performed.

Humility: The Mimetic Break

Fr. Augustine’s insight is sharper than it first appears: humility doesn’t just lead to virtue—it dissolves the mimetic crisis. If rivalry is fueled by imitation aimed upward—trying to be like those we admire or outpace those we envy—then humility is the radical choice to imitate downward: to seek the lowest place, to serve, to become small.

In Girardian terms, that’s a break in the chain. It’s what Jesus does when He washes the disciples’ feet. It’s what the saints do when they embrace obscurity, poverty, or ridicule. And it’s the only path that doesn’t lead back to the need for a scapegoat.

Because let’s be clear: when mimetic rivalry escalates and no one backs down, someone has to lose. Someone has to be blamed. Someone has to be sacrificed—whether in a playground, a political movement, or a family system. That’s the tragic logic of the world: blood sacrifice to restore peace.

But humility breaks the pattern. It says: I will not compete. I do not need to be seen. I choose the cross, not the crown. In mimetic terms, that’s not passivity—it’s the most active refusal of rivalry there is.

Humility Rules (and So Does the Book)

Humility Rules is not a heavy book. It’s funny, accessible, and formatted like a spiritual field guide for teenage monks. But don’t be fooled. It’s a weapon against the most dangerous illusion of our age: that you can build an identity by curating a self.

Fr. Augustine reminds us that true self-worth isn’t manufactured—it’s received. And not from likes or metrics, but from Christ, who emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant.

If you’re looking for a companion piece to Girard, or a practical entry point into the life that mimetic theory makes possible, I highly recommend Humility Rules. And if you want the deeper dive, listen to the full conversation on The Moral Imagination podcast. It’s one of the most theologically serious and spiritually grounded podcasts out there today.

In an age of identity confusion and internal fragmentation, humility doesn’t just make you a better person. It makes you whole.