When We Make Ourselves the Model: On the Illusion of Christlikeness

This post is part of an ongoing series on mimetic theory and composite models.
Last time, we explored St. Augustine and the Conversion of Desire. Next, we’ll turn to The Virgin Mary and Non-Rivalrous Formation. But today, a brief and bracing insight from Dom Hubert van Zeller—a warning for anyone trying to follow Christ by imitating their own ideals.

In The Inner Search, Dom Hubert van Zeller writes:

“In our search after perfection, we are inclined to equate the life of Christ with our own particular type of life: we see holiness in a looking glass. If I admire austerity, I think of Christ as fasting for forty days and forty nights. If my fancy is for the apostolic life, I think of Him primarily as so given to preaching that He had not enough leisure even to eat. And so on.
What this means in practice is that, when I am being austere, I imagine myself to be holy; when I am laboring for souls, I see myself in the likeness of Christ. But, in reality, it is not so much that I am making Christ a model for myself, as I am rather making myself a model for Christ.” (The Inner Search, p. 153)

The Spiritual Projection Loop

This short passage delivers a profound insight. It captures one of the most dangerous—but subtle—mimetic inversions in the spiritual life. When we project our ideals onto Christ, we short-circuit transformation. Instead of conforming ourselves to Him, we refashion Him in our image.

The result is a closed loop: our desires mirrored back to us under the guise of sanctity.

In mimetic terms, Christ ceases to be a true model—one who reveals and reshapes desire—and instead becomes a composite reflection of the models we already admire. If we prize asceticism, we picture Christ as a desert monk. If we exalt social engagement, we picture Him as a tireless activist. Even if these images contain truth, the danger lies in mistaking them for the whole.

Worse still, we mistake ourselves for holy precisely when we’re acting out our preferred mode of holiness.

Christ Is Not a Mascot for Your Temperament

One of the key claims in this series is that we are shaped by composite models—layered, mimetic inheritances formed by the people we admire, fear, resist, or love. And unless we intentionally purify our gaze, these inherited models will end up shaping our idea of Christ.

We will see Him as we want Him to be, not as He is.

This is not only a theological problem—it’s a mimetic one. If Christ becomes a vehicle for our own self-image, then He loses His power to disrupt, to scandalize, to re-form us. We are no longer drawn upward into imitation of divine love. We are simply spiritualizing our own desires.

Letting Christ Interrupt the Pattern

True imitation of Christ involves more than choosing a style of holiness. It means allowing our entire composite model to be restructured. That’s a slow and painful process. But it’s also the only way to escape the closed circuit of projecting our ideals back onto God.

Dom Hubert’s line cuts deep: “I am rather making myself a model for Christ.”
It names the temptation we all face—and the path we must renounce.

We don’t make Christ conform to us.
He conforms us to Himself.

Coming Tuesday (4/29):
The Virgin Mary and Non-Rivalrous Formation
We’ll explore why Mary is the only human model never shaped by rivalry—and what that means for forming stable, peaceful desire.